More than I can chew

For completeness I am including this post. I took a while to decide to include it. This is part of my journey too...

I can't do this today. I've reached a low again and all I am doing is crying. I am at the furthest east on my journey, a third of the way around the world.

I feel I have bitten off more than I can chew. I know this feeling. It isn't the first time I have felt it; it has been stalking my journey, stowing away in my luggage. Today it has come out for air. It will pass, I know it will, but for now I have given in to it.

Right now I am here on my own and I realise how much I miss being a part of something. I try not to think of what I lost two and a half years ago, my husband, my baby, my home, but it sneaks out with its bedfellow loneliness. It brings to mind the trick with the table cloth - where it is pulled sharply and everything is left standing. When mine was pulled it took everything with it. All the familiar crockery smashed on the ground.

So here I am feeling low and philosophical and a million miles away. This will pass, I know it will. I have all the positive talk of 'Look what I have achieved', and 'I am strong and beautiful and clever to have made this happen', and 'What an adventure this is'. And when I am done crying I'll have a smile on my face.

But for now I'll cry until I'm done crying then I'll give myself a kick up the backside and get on with the next thing - my horseback adventure in the Gobi steppes. I'll be out of contact until my return in 10 days. Keep texting and I will pick them up when I am able.